im drinking this country out of the recession.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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