if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
