How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she peed on how many people?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
