Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it was like eating out sand paper
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
