The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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