you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
