the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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