Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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