why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
