I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
