i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
