Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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