That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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