What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Blood and glitter go together right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
