i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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