so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
