What did we do last night that was yellow?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
