if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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