dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
