just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
