I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
