i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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