sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
