I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
