JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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