someone get that fucking seahorse.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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