So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
