i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
