My hand turned me down
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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