spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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