I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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