So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
