Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
