hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
