I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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