Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
