She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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