I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
