Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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