Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
