They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
