I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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