Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
