i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
