whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
