Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
