I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
