Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize