Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize