i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
