Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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