I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
