It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
