He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
