soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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