as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
