you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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