Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
