batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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