i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
