everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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