so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
