I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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