I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize