also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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