we're blogging at a bar
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
