Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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