i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
