come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
