She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
3 2 1 whiskey
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
