goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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