but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
