I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
