I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its liver damage thursday
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