I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
