i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
