Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
