You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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