drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
