i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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