So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
