idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
