i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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