I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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