she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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