I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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