The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
