Cold hands, warm shart.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize