I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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