shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
