I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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