You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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