Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
